I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
