The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
