I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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