i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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