girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
