That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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