dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
