just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
