i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize