so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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