just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
