I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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