you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
