So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
