Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
