The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
