I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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