Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
