She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
