I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
