im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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