You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
