somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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