they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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