I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
