my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
