He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
