jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
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