Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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