You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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