It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
