Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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