I just saw a hot homeless man
her vagine was all disorganized.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
