your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
