??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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