ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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