Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
