Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
