he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
