i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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