When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
