for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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