...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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