we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
