I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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