Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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