so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
