dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
