Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Someone came in the potted fern
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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