We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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