I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
