so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
