I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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