Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
