I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
