Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
