Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
