My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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