Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
