Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
