my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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