So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
