Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
