Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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