those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
