yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
