I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
