the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
