Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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