I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
So. Much. Porn.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
