so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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