I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it hurts more in the daytime
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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