dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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