I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
