it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
