Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
