oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
